Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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