He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
