I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
