Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
