You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
