Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize