He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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