"it" just moved
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
