so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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