My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
