Ambien. No doubt about it.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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