I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
