toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
look no pants
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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