I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
