bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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