the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
