Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Pants are for mortals
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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