I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
