Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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