well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
