I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize