Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
