Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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