my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
