apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
