he was CRYING into my vagina
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
