Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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