i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
