i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
