You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
