there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
