I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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