Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
