So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
