She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
