He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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