I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
