Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
When did angry sex become our thing?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
