You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
