I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
