Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
