the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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