that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
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I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
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I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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