i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize