I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
