garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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