I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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