My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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