Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
