Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
