Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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