The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
