Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
