i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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