she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
