You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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