there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
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I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
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and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell