I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
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I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
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I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house