we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
