Midget sex pt 2 tonight
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
