It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
