all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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